Before October ends with no entry, ‘d better write one, just for the sake of posting at least one entry per month…huhuhu

This month is not so okay. keje sangaaattt banyaakkk… tapi nasib baik sempat juge berpoye-poye sehari berkaraoke bersama pnut,yah,amal,fura,shidah n zeila yang disayangi..hoho…. tu utk sambut fura yang bakal ditebuk tupai this saturday (ke sunday?) (tak tau la kalau dah ditebuk awal2…hoho)…

weekend baru ni plak, pegi taman negara, wat keje (sikit) n main2 (banyak2), tengok2 kot ade research yang I could conduct over there. It was kind of fun, altho tak sempat nak gi canopy walkaway etc, but the place is nice, peaceful and different (in a good way) from the peacefulness yang kita dapat di pulau. But overall, I prefer island more coz x kene gigit pacat n dpt usha mat saleh or mamat2 lain berbadan 6 pax…hihi..

Tapi pikir2 balik, ok gak hutan coz x la hitam legam kene sun burn n sejuk la gak kalau duduk je dgr bunyi2 binatang etc…haish…I love both la kesimpulannye….huhuhu

So sekarang, as in, NOW, banyak gile keje need to settle by tomorrow. Tapi sebab ade 2-3 keje, so pening nak settle kan mane satu, so I decided to play ‘ulat gedik’ (computer game – name given by kak mas) je la pasni..hihi…

Later!

Baru habis kelas…. fuuuhhhh…..tapi keje lain byk je menanti…rase mcm nak balik awl lg, tp mcm x leh…hadoi ai…

Anyway, last saturday I did a small makan-makan utk kawan2….tak tersempat nak ajak sume, mostly suh tolong pas2 je..so, I apologize for those who intended to come, but did not do so kerane segan sy tidak menjmput…takpe2…majlis on January, InsyaAllah,akan ku jemput….

kepade yg datang, mekaseh byk2 sgt…especially yg lame tak jumpe dan mmg tah bile la akan jmpe lg….rindu bangaaattt…

So, my thanks goes to.. (chewah!)…

• kwn2 hi-skul ku yg tersyg sue+taufik, shidah+hubby, sare, ros+hubby+baby,zeila,juju+fiance,amal+hubby &pnut…
• kwn2 skolah rendah (jiran2 ku) aizat n bob (juge merangkap kwn hi-skul tp sbb korg dtg dgn kwn skolah rendah, akmal, yasin, luqman, aiman…
• opismate2 ku yg kerepek k anum+anas, K mas+shamin, mizah, adib, K tina+a zam+anak2,aishah n kwn2 kustemnye….
• kwn2 kolej kat UM fakhrul, hafiz, daus, fara+faiz+bb,ziera+fazli+bb..
• kwn2+snior2 edinburgh cidud+atiq,K lily+abg bakhtiar+faris+farisya,K lin+abg mail+adam+aishah….
• dan especiallly, buat dia yg jauh di perantauan, DUDE…hohoho..

Rasenye dah sebut kot name sume yg dtg….ade trtinggal, ghoyak deh…hehe…mekaseh byk2…windu gile ah sume org…sonok dpt tgk muke sorg2…wpun kat lembah klang je mostly, sethn skali pun ssh nk jmpe…haiishh…nsb bek dpt jmpe gak..hihi

ok ok, kene gi zuhur..nk masuk asar dah..terpakse sekali kan..tak biase la wat mcm ni sbnrnye…hohoh…daaaaaa

cita-cita aku untuk menulis blog at lesat once a month tidak tercapai setelah september pergi tanpe ape-ape post….

Menulis hari ini pun, hanya sekadar utk mengisi entry bulan oktober. entah bila la akan ade pos lg lepas ini….huhuhu

Belum terlambat lg rasenye for me to wish you people Selamat Hari Raya. I apologize for any wrong doing sepanjang kiter sume berkenal-kenalan, kalau ade yg terase hati dgn kate-kate aku yg kadang-kale tak mempedulikan perasaan org ini, mahapkan ye….aku tidak sengaje (alasan!)

Anyway, raya was okay. 2nd day raye was supposed to be the most fun but due to my unstoppable sneezing, I couldn’t enjoy it much. haishhh… tapi yang paling seronok adalah dapat bercuti selame 10 hari.

Dan hari yang paling tidak best adalah apabile terpakse bekerja semula slps bercuti 10 hari dan until today (thursday – 4 days after the long break), I’m still not in the mood to work. I almost did nothing these 4 days.

As usual, I have tonsssss of work.seriously, this time mmg banyak. tapi, satu pun x dpt sentuh. atr kerje yg penting yg kene sentuh tp tak sentuh lgsg lagi adalah:

1. Research Paper to be submitted before 30th of October for the conference in Sarawak in November.
2. Reading my students 4 project proposals and 3 project papers – the sem is ending soon. harus cepat!
3. marking all the lab reports especially biochem coz kak yan dah mintak. adoi ai…
4. Settle the curriculum review by next week.
5. Prepare things to go to taman negara on the 23rd.
6. Visit Sg Dusun Wildlife Reserve where my students are suppose to conduct their final year project (mine as well if i get the grant).
7. Buat answer scheme for BIO 566.
8. Dan sgt byk lagi – tp x larat dah nak list…haiishhh…

Kenape sgt teruk kemalasan aku nak wat keje ni….Doakan aku rajin eh kawan2…siyes teruk gile ni…. got to go…ade tetamu… daaaa~

Hati,

…tenanglah….

Jangan lah was-was mcm ni….

Mungkin bisikan syaitan..

Di dalam Al-Quran , antaranya ayat dari surah an-Nas, antara lain bermaksud: “Dari kejahatan pembisik, penghasut yang timbul tenggelam. Yang melemparkan bisikan dan hasutannya ke dalam hati manusia. (Iaitu pembisik dan penghasut) dari kalangan jin dan manusia.”

Tapi…

Mungkinkah tidak?…

haishhh…

Rabhanaa afrigh ‘alaynaa shabran wa tsabbit aqdaamanaa wahshurnaa ‘alal qawmil kaafirina. Rabbanaa laa tuzigh quluubanaa ba’da idz hadaytana wa hablanaa min ladunka rahmatan innaka antal wahhaabu. Allaahumma tsabbitnii an azilla wahdinii an adhilla. Allahumma kamaa hulta baynii wa bayna qalbii, fahul baynii wa baynasy syaythaani wa ‘amalihi. Allaahumma innii as-aluka nafsan muthma ‘innatan tu’minu biliqaa’ika wa tardhaa biqadhaa’ika wa taqna’u bi’athaa’ika

I hate myself for becoming weaker as I get older. Or maybe getting older is the reason I get weaker inside.

Or maybe, I’m always this weak inside. I know that I look kinda tough and mean outside (hohoho), but inside, I’m this very-soft-at-heart kinda girl but with some streak of ego (we girl need to have that lil ego…for..whatever..huhu)

Anyway, Salam Ramadhan to all… I hope I get to khatam Quran Ramdhan kali ni and get to go to the mosque with my mom more often than 2 years ago (last yr, not in Malaysia). A bit sad because I couldn’t start fasting on the 1st day of Ramadhan, tp takpe la, ade hikmah.

Harap Ramadhan kali ni dapat memberi ketenangan hati that I need most at this time. Dan berharap agar dapat diberikan petunjuk untuk menjalankan hari-hari mendatang. Amiiinnn…..

*Ramadhan mmg mensyahdukan…haishh..

Lamenyeeeeee x menulis…

sangat rase nak menulis, tapi tiade semangat…

and since i last wrote, sangat byk bende berlaku and mostly, seriously, mostly, things that made me sad and still am actually…..

I don’t think I’m strong enough for this kind of test I’m going thru. I’m pretty sure I’m not strong at all, but I’m just not sure how to settle this. I might hurt those I love most as well as myself. I want to give it a try and save this and pray for the best, but I can’t do it alone. I just donno what to do…. I’m scared of what might happen if I go on and if I don’t. The journey has been so long that I’m afraid if i stop, everything will goes down the drain and I have to start all over again.What if I am meant to continue this journey, but I give up to soon and things will become uglier?

Maybe, things will get better if I continue this journey and try my best to reach the ultimate destination; but maybe it’ll become worse and, Who am I to know??

But what can I say, either by ending or continuing this journey, some people might get hurt. I’ll get hurt by doing both. Not sure of the other side though.

Sorry to babble in my first post since a long time I didn’t write. I should start with a happy story I guess, but my life is not very ok right now that I couldn’t think of a happy one.

So friends, could you guys please pray that I’m given enough strength to go through whatever the ending is?…thank u and luv u all… huhuhu (

It has been so long since last kuar2 lepak2 smpi pagi. Before pegi wat master, since 1st yr, I considered myself a night person. Siang membuta, mlm lepak ke pagi. gi maple dgn kwn2, burak2 etc. Lps balik bljr which was almost 10 months ago, still x jmpe lg mood nak melepak-lepak lame2. rase mcm penat sgt. Balik keje, nk dok umah je jmpe mak… kalau lmbat pun, gi OU mkn2, then b4 8 dh smpi umah…

Dulu, I was always the one to initiate any meeting or reunion among us friends, or the one who assisted pnut in calling friends to meet or etc. I was also always talking on the phone, calling friends saje2 gayut sbb boring.

Tapi sekarang, i was the one who withdraw from the crowd. Jd mcm katak bwh tempurung. It’s not that I don’t want to be the active person anymore, but i can’t seem to find my momentum just yet as if all my energies have been absorbed by the land of the scots. I just want to go home and sit on my bed with the laptop or with books in my hand or just talking to my mom.I feel tired easily nowadays (is it because I gain extra 10 kg since I came back to Msia?..huhu)

Anyway, yesterday, after few days of promises to meet, I finally met Emmy (juju). We were out since 10.30 and lepak at norsya until 2 am. Quite a long time since I last lepaking smpi pagi. It felt great to finally be able to leave my comfortable bed and room, altho it resulted in me waking up at almost 1 pm in the afternoon.

I seriously hope I’ll be getting my momentum any time soon and enjoy my live as I usually did b4 I flew to UK. I miss my friends and miss the feeling of lepaking until morning. But, I can’t help thinking, that maybe, I’ve changed. Maybe this is what I am now. maybe I don’t like to lepak2 dah. But I do hope those are not the reasons cause they made me feel 100 years older.

haishhh..

I heard gentle knocking at my bedroom’s door. Mak muncul and told me to  salam ayah. Oh, I forgot. Realizing i wasn’t wearing a proper attire to mengadap ayah, I told mak to wait and cpt2 sarung t-shirt and seluar.

When I walked out of my bedroom, ayah already there, right outside my room,waiting for me. “Angah buat apa?” I was just tersengih mcm kerang busuk & salam n cium tgn ayah. “Sini.”Ayah pointed to his right cheek. Oh right, I forgot that he’s going to Jakarta for few days, bkn out station dlm negara yg satu mlm je.So I kissed his right cheek, then his left cheek, then his forehead.

Sambil turun tangga,he said “kalau nak beli baju ayah, beli yg collar mcm ni plak..ayah ade satu ni aje.” he showed the collar of the shirt he was wearing,mcm cekak musang baju melayu “oh..nak mcm tu plak..ok.” Deep inside, i was feeling kinda proud because for the time being I’m his only child that cud understand both of his and mak’s taste. In fact, in his suitcase, he packed along two shirts that was bought by me. I really like buying them things.

Pakcik Zuraidi already waited for ayah outside. He took the bag from ayah and put it in the  car. From my front door, I shouted “bye bye org jakarta!” He was just about to close the car’s door when he heard me and I heard and saw him laughed until the car lost from our view.

Haish…tinggalla aku n mak je kat umah over the wiken. lupe, dude n i ade program la plak wiken ni. xpe neng ade, n mak pun pastinye akan menjahit or tgk cd winter sonata utk ke 198 kalinye…huhuhu

Later!

“Happiness pulses with every beat of my heart.” ~Emily Logan Decens

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Saya tidak tahu mengape. Tetapi saya sangat gembira hari ini walaupun tidak cukup tidur mlm td. Mungkinkah kerana saya sudah sihat? Dan mungkin juga kerana saya keluar berjumpa kawan-kawan tadi setelah sekian lama tidak keluar rumah berlibur kerana kurang sihat…

Pagi tadi, dalam pukul 11 lebey, saya keluar rumah menuju ke Shah Alam menjemput Farah & anaknye Balqis. Kemudian, kami menuju ke UM. Di situ, Azri telah sedia menunggu di rumah u. Kami pun mengambil tempat di meja yang kosong. Sementara menunggu kedatangan Muzri dan Fakhrul, Farah pergi membasuh berak anaknya di toilet. Tidak lama kemudian, Muzri sampai diikuti Fakhrul selang berapa ratus minit kemudian.Mungkinkah sbb itu sy gembira?

kami semua teringin makan western.Saya mengorder lamb chop. Gravy nye sedap cume mungkin krana tukang masaknye sedang bercinte, make lamb nye sedikit hangus. Tapi saya layankan saje kerana itu adalah makanan pertama sy yg best slps asyik memkn bubur dan roti cicah air milo. Mungkinkah sbb itu sy gembire?

Kemudian kami pun bercerita spt dahulu kala. Spt biasa, bile ada fakhrul & azri (terutamanye fakhrul si gile), saye la akan menjadi bahan. teruk sungguh sy dimainkan. Mungkinkah sbb itu sy gembire?

Alangkah cumilnye melihat mereka bergilir-gilir mendukung balqis. Muzri juge sudah menjadi bape 50 hr yg lps. Azri bakal mnjadi bape bulan ogos ini. Fakhrul pule, bape ayam mungkin ok kot…(hohohoho). Sangat gembire melihat mereke. Jike ketika 1st yr dahulu kami slalu berdiskusi mengenai mase dpn bile sume org kawin dpt anak etc, tp skrg slps 6-7 thn, kami berdiskusi cara-cara menjaga anak, menyusukan anak dll. kwn-kwn sy yg kurang ajar itu menyatakan sy tak perlu risau susu tidak cukup, kerana melihat keadaan saya, mmg takkan habis la susu badan, kate mereka sambil tertawa. Saya hanya mampu mengeluarkan carutan kecil..Mungkinkah sbb itu sy gembire?..

Selepas makan, Muzri pun pulang ke pejabat.Fakhrul memaksa kami ke rumah sewanya, maka kami berempat + balqis pun lepak di rumah sewa fakhrul pulak di vista blok 6. Patutla fakhrul mengajak. Rupa-rupanya dia ingin kami semua memuji kekreatifannya menghias rumah (walaupun dia x mintak directly). Habis bunga-bunga dan pasu bunga emaknya di curi untuk di bawa ke rumah sewa. dia mmg gile. Balqis sudah kepanasan. Farah memberikan balqis susu dan air masak. Dia tertido tidak lama kemudian. Kami pun pulang dari rumah fakhrul dan menghantar azri ke um dan farah ke shah alam. Nnt bile-bile, boleh sy kuar dgn farah lagi kerana dia dekat sahaja dgn uitm. Mungkinkah sbb itu sy gembira?

Setibanya di rumah, saya pun masuk dgn gembirenye dan terus mncari ibu menceritakan kisah saya pada hari ini sambil ibu sedang bersiap utk mengambil hajar di komuter dan berjumpa adik-adik di smakl. Saya ingat nak teman ibu, tapi dah tertukar baju dgn cepat kerana panas, maka sy tidak teman ibu.sian ibu.

Kemudian saya pun mandi. Sesudah mandi, saya pun ke bawah menonton tv bersama ibu dan dude cerita manjalara. Mungkinkah sebab itu saya gembira?

Pukul 7 mlm,ibu mengajak dude dan saya makan mlm bersamanya. Kami pun makan di meja makan dan berbual-bual dgn gembira. Saya tidak merasa marah pun dengan dude hari ini langsung. Malah, saya sengaja mengada-ada untuk bermanja-manja dengan gembiranya. Dia seperti biasa, melayan je ngada-ngada saya. Mungkinkah sbb itu saya gembira?

Selepas Dude solat, kami menonton America’s Funniest Video bersama-sama. Kami juga gelak terbahak-bahak menonton aksi-aksi melucukan dlm rancangan itu. Kemudian kami mengukur kain satin baju pengantin kami untuk membezakan yang mana satu perempuan atau lelaki punya. Mungkinkah sebb itu sy gembira?

Tidak lama selepas itu, Dude pun pulang. Mungkinkah sbb itu saya gembira? (hohoho)

Selepas Dude pulang, ibu turun ke bawah dengan tudung. Ibu kata nak pergi ambil dobi ayah di kedai belakang. Saya rindukan ibu. Maka say mengikut ibu pergi ke dobi. Mungkinkah sbb itu sy gembira?

Ketika sampai di rumah, ayah sudah ada, baru pulang dr pejabat. Ibu beritahu ayah ibu mengambil dobi ayah kerana ada tiga seluar ayah di situ dan ibu terpaksa ambil kerana ayah out station esok. Ayah kata, kalau seluar x cukup, ayah pinjam seluar ibu. Saya kata, seluar saya ada, mesti muat. Ayah pun ketawa sambil berjalan ke bawah untuk ke surau. Mungkinkah sbb itu sy gembira?

Kemudian, saya pun duduk di meja ini, depan netbook pink yg cumil ini, menulis entry ini,sebelum memulakan kerja yang bertimbun dan yg perlu disediakan untuk berjumpa dengan Dr Harita ketua program pagi-pagi esok. Mungkinkah sbb itu saye gembire?

Saya pun tidak tahu mengape saya gembira. Tapi saya harap saya terus kekal gembira walaupun saya tahu harapan mungkin tinggal harapan selepas kembali bekerja esok hari. Entry ini hanya untuk mengingatkan saya, bahawa saya pernah segembira ini. Alhamdulillah.

It’s 5.15 am currently, and still, I could not sleep. Dah bergolek ke depan belakang tonggeng somersault sume pun x leh gak. Tadi mlm lps mkn ubat nampak bintang dah…tapi bile baring, mate jd segar lak…

So, ni br je lps amik ubat batuk yg ade antihistamine to make myself sleep. hope dpt la tido coz kene bgn awal gak (10.30..huhu)..haishh..

P/s: dapat mc lg utk hari ni..yeay!!..